If I Can Stay Sober Through The Past Few Days

I think I can go through almost anything. God willing.

Sometimes we have no clue why this and that happens till it’s all done.

My husband left me. That triggered me coming off subs. When I was on subs I stayed enclosed in my house. 

Screw the world. I didn’t need anyone. 

Day by day I’ve seen my life change this past month like never before.

And it was all to get me here.

My husband came home on Friday. That was day 5 of no meds for this girl. Within an hour of him being home I got a call.

My Uncle, who was so much like me and fought his demons everyday had been killed. 45 years old and gone. 

But then the story went on. He was accidentally killed by my brother. The same brother that had been begging me to talk to him. The same brother I’ve ignored. My brother is a good Godly man and was trying to save my Uncle. I finally answered my brother’s call the Tuesday before this happened. I told him be careful, and stop trying to save the world.

Had I been on subs, I wouldn’t have talked to my brother. I would have missed fighting for him. I would not have attended any funeral.

This has been the most surreal, saddest and heartbreaking time of my life. 

I purposed in my heart 30 days ago to pray everyday for a month. I was telling my daughter watch how God will bless us, watch how pretty life will be.

Less than 48 hours later my husband was gone, my way to work was gone and I was alone. Everything I thought I had built in a year of sobriety was sliced out from under me in a heartbeat. Everything I had my trust in. So I could only trust in God. It’s so real y’all. 

I had no withdrawls off a medicine only 5% of people can put down. I’m no one special I promise. I have zero willpower and often joke on Facebook I wish they sold it in a bottle.

I wish I could write a book. My goal would be to explain addiction. I’ve lost my mom mentally to her addiction. I’ve lost a young cousin to his. And now my Uncle to his. This is killing too many brilliant people.

I’m grateful everyday and thank God for where I am at this minute. It’s painful but my mind is clear and guess what? I’m still breathing!

I know I have lots more to say and who knows where my words will end up. If you know an addict pray for them. God is the only one that can help. So often people will say well all I can is pray….really? What else is there to do? That IS the most important. An addict does not want to be in that cage that has them trapped. I know this from experience. Pray that God gives that person their escape. And that that addict will see it and run. I fully believe God gives every person chances. The Bible says so! I just haven’t memorized my verses to quote where it is….but it literally says He makes a way.

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