Or maybe half that many. I wish I had enough for my first poll.

I’m debating between these two books. And because I refuse to ask for the money right now, I’m trying to decide which to get first.

If you were miserable like me, what would be your preferred reading for this lovely Friday night?

1     OR2

Hard but exciting choice, I know!

I have this one too…..”borrowed from Amazon”


 Completely miserable in my own home. Just got off work from a day that wasn’t long enough. My girls are gone, so it’s just me and the boys. And of course my husband is doing everything in his power to let me know how utterly happy he is that we are having problems. Whistling and signing and joyful joyful.

Makes me sick. Again….I will never comprehend it.

At least my daughter talks to me when she is here. But as I said before, we don’t talk about this. Everyone knows there is tension.  I am close with my daughter…..but don’t throw your gossip or issues on your kid.

Hopefully this will all pass soon. Last time I was down like this, it took weeks to get over. My longest bout with extreme sadness was last year after rehab. Almost 9 months straight of crying and sleeping. Then I found my job. That too, was the next thing that would stop his cussing and yelling at me. If you would just get a job and help I wouldn’t do this!

Aw man.

There are so many people out there that go through bullshit all the time. I hate when it’s my turn. Regular life is tough enough without the added bullshit and sadness. I used to think when I get over all this I want to help people like me. Not people like my mom, but people like me. Girls that felt trapped and sucked into a life filled with drugs and alcohol. Girls that want to escape, have tried to escape but can’t quite get there.

But I didn’t think I would still be needing this much help this long after rehab.

I overthink everything and I believe there has to be a reason AND a solution for every problem. You are sad, just fix 123. You did this in life? Oh that is only because abc happened to you. Maybe there is no reason I went through everything. Maybe there is no reason I got help. Maybe my life will go in a direction I never dreamed of. Maybe I’m screwed.

I’m going to do a coin toss and see which book to buy. And probably read some of this


 Good night

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