Getting Sober (what I wish others would have told me)

Maybe this will all be my own oddities, maybe you’ve experienced them yourself, maybe you had your own.

I will add to this one, I know I will

1. The first few months, all you want to do (or can do) is stay completely wide awake, or sleep in a comalike state. I couldn’t sleep well at night, but during the day I would be exhausted. Very draining ordeal.

2. As your mind gets clearer you actually see (and need to deal with) the bullshit in your life. I’d bet money, 99.9% of us were covering something by drugs and alcohol. When you take all that away, you are forced to actually feel what you have been drowning.

3. Relapse will be your biggest fear. If you hated what you had become before, then you will likely stress about being that person again. 
4. You will be able to hear that song again, go to a concert, grill out, sit by a bonfire without a drink….maybe. I worried about these all the time. I would tell my husband, how will I ever grill out again, sober? How do I hear so and so song, without remembering the partying we did listening to it. Personally, I took it little by little. I didn’t plan a cookout on the back tailgate of a truck before a concert the week I got out of rehab. I have listened to “those” somgs, I have been to one concert, I’ve had many steaks and hamburgers, and managed to stay sober through each one. If I doubt I can handle it, I won’t do it. If I needed to leave an event, I would leave, if one of my triggers hit me, I’d stay cautious and try to hit back. I know me. If I start again, I won’t stop. I still have not been to see my best friend, because they drink. I do not go see my mother. This is not because I’m a-self-righteous-too-good-for-people, bitch. This is because I want to keep myself out of danger. But I am slowly opening myself up to not being terrified of life.

5. I don’t regret it. I don’t look back and think…man, I wish I’d drank just two more weeks before I stopped. Some of my proudest times, are when I can look back and see the good changes in my life. Do this, but stay grateful and humble, never cocky.

6. Pray- I mean serious God can you hear me prayers. Serenity prayers helps many many people! But it’s ok to beg for your life in your own words sometimes. It may not seem like it is helping at the time, but I promise, one day you will look back and think on certain timrs and see “man, the only way I survived that was God.” Prayer during recovery will show you the true meaning of the Footprints Poem. 

7. You will want to push yourself to do new things. I’ve got one life here, and I slid through many many years in a haze. I want to read, go camping, ride a bike, travel, laugh with my kids, move near water. I want to make (and attain!) some short and long term goals. I want to actually live some of the life that I foolishly  wasted. 

8. It’s hard as hell to get help, stay determined. I ran into obstacle after obstacle. I passed every drug test, so doctors thought I was lying. Emergency Rooms are no help. I was sent home from rehab twice, saying I wasn’t covered- I KNEW I was. Don’t give up. Your help will come, you just may have to fight for it.

9. You can do it, you have to want it. Many times I would be on the hunt, or be completely drunk off my ass and think is this it for me. Will I ever stop. You can, I promise, I’m no one special with no magic powers. I was a child of a pillhead and realized I was hurting my own. If God can help me, he will help you, ask him. 

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