Fork in the Road

I have a unique situation.
I am an addict.
I’m the child of addicts.
I don’t speak to my mom because of her addiction.
But I fight to keep a bond with my daughter.
Some may call me a hypocrite.
And that’s alright for them to think.
My mom chose her drugs over me my entire life. But I didn’t realize it until I was in the same position, and could look back.
I drank for years and years, but the first night I lashed out at my daughter, was also the last.
To this day, I’ve never touched another drop. I’ve promised her, I will never lose that kind of control over myself.
Then the pills became a much larger issue. I had to drown myself out somehow.
This started my tornado period.
I fought like hell to get out. I fought to not be my mom. I put blinders on to everyone else’s worries and fears and focused on my own. I had to get well. I had to let my kids know they were worth me trying.
And I did it. I did what my mom never would.
I fully believe every person is given a chance to stop the ride and get off. God gives each of us that split second to decide. God gives each us a turn at the infamous fork in the road, of our lives.

My mom never attempted to better herself. My mom never let her kids know we were worth it. My mom, after knowing she was an addict, did not stop until I was using with her. Do I blame her for my issues? Somewhat
As a parent, it is my job to protect, warn and care for my kids. Not to hand them the things I struggle with myself.

My life with the added prompt word: Fork

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7 thoughts on “Fork in the Road

    1. I appreciate it. I’ve learned to block it out, thinking about it can tear me up. But it’s made my drive to be different so much stronger. I never want my own kids to feel that.
      No matter what, we hurt people we love…. intended or not

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  1. Very sad but powerful at the same time. The fact that you WANT to be there for your daughter and you WANT a relationship with her makes all the difference to me.

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  2. Sadly addiction is very much a family disease, regardless of the number of generations it directly afflicts. As a recovering alcoholic myself who is also a mom, I know I have hurt my children without intending to. At least now in sobriety I realize when I do it and can try to do something about it.
    It takes a lot of courage and work to do what you are doing. I commend you for that. Keep it up, one day at a time.
    Marianne

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  3. It shows great strength that you are willing to tell your story, and I think it should give us all inspiration to look at our lives and realize the things that aren’t serving us or our families. I think you are very right that we are all presented with those moments when we have to make a decision, and I’m glad to hear you made the right one. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you.

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