Dr. Death

There was a time I realized I was in trouble. I knew my husband’s aunt saw a psychiatrist. I messaged her on facebook.
What’s your doctor’s name
She replied
There was a time my mom tried to get clean. She told me about a miracle pill called suboxene. It helps me, it really does she said. You should go to this doctor. My friend goes to him. And then my mom told me his name.
My husband’s aunt and my mom’s friend went to the same doctor.
My mom made herself an appointment. She came home and told me he’s real good, you should go.
During my tornado period, I thought he was my answer. I HAVE to go see him, I cried to my husband. Don’t you see? HE is my answer! HE will help me!
Not everyone can just walk in and see this doctor. There were three different numbers for him. Most of my calls went unanswered. Voicemails never received a reply. My insurance doesn’t require a referral. I’ve never had an issue walking into any specialist office, except this guys office. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get in! My mom told me all the tricks: call back to back, go to the office, knock twice on the door, spin around 4 times and race back home by the phone….nothing.
A referral! Ok, how do I get a referral? It was decided, I would go to a local emergency room, tell them what I want and get it.
Once there they did the standard drug test. Now here is where I’ll not be believed, but that’s ok,  I’m not here to lie.
My drug test came back clean, so I didn’t need help. I was in a panic. Mom, husband tell them! Tell them I’m not crazy, I’m an addict only trying to get better. Tell them that no matter what their tests say, I take stuff everyday and can’t stop!
Panic made them believers I guess because I walked out of that hospital clutching my referral with all I had. This would save me.
Along with this referral came an appointment, first thing in the morning. 9:00 AM one county away. My husband even took the day off, which he never does, to get me there.
At some point during the night I realized something awful….it was January. My deductible had just been reset. I would have to pay up front for the visit. And we, of course, were broke. I needed 250$ in 7 hours, and it was already the middle of the night.
My schemes weren’t gonna work this round. Looking back it all seems silly, but this was life changing up and down rollar coaster for everyone involved.
I was crushed, devistated. My parents couldn’t loan me the money.
That day was one of the worst. I took my camera, my pride and joy to the pawn shop. Got the money from that to get my supplies so I could regroup.
This was a year and 4 months ago
a lifetime ago
Yesterday I was working (I work from home.)
My husband was scrolling through Facebook.
He said hey they just busted a doctor one county over. I recongnize his name, I think it’s the doctor you tried to see.

The news referred to him as Dr Death.
36 patients died under his care. I think God I wasn’t number 37.

I think God for holding me throughout this entire ordeal.

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