Recovery With….Without YouTube

My husband always asks me to watch videos. See what your in for, he says.
I don’t want to. I want to just experience  what I will.
But Monday, I decided ok. I will watch. So I pulled up Youtube and typed in variations of coming off suboxene. After weeding through much garbage, I settled on listening to one guy. About an hour in, I checked on the videos that were pulled up. As I listened to what day 9 without suboxene was like for him, I noticed he had posted this 9 months ago.
I decided to fast foward in his life to the most recent video. It said 2 seconds ago. Ok great! He post his videos often. 2 seconds. I’ve never researched a user on Youtube, maybe this is a good thing for me to see. 2 seconds.
I clicked on the most recent video and there he was, crying. (He was a cryer, so that didn’t get me.)
But then I saw the title. I relapsed. This guy had made it clean for months and months. I happen by his page and 2 seconds before, he posted about his relapse?
That was crazy, surreal, unbelievable. I’ve told my family about it. They don’t quite get the irony. I think it’s….well just crazy.
This guy had gained a small following, even had someone set up a Go Fund Me account for him. And relapsed.
I recognized the sick, shock, guilty hate myself look from my past.
Think I’ll go back to not watching Youtube videos to help with my recovery.

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One thought on “Recovery With….Without YouTube

  1. Don’t watch those. Everyone is SOO different. I came off subs and I heard NIGHTMARES. I know methadone will suck but I am working on it. I have come down 60 mg already and been great. I know you and I can both do it.

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