Recovery With….Without YouTube

My husband always asks me to watch videos. See what your in for, he says.
I don’t want to. I want to just experience  what I will.
But Monday, I decided ok. I will watch. So I pulled up Youtube and typed in variations of coming off suboxene. After weeding through much garbage, I settled on listening to one guy. About an hour in, I checked on the videos that were pulled up. As I listened to what day 9 without suboxene was like for him, I noticed he had posted this 9 months ago.
I decided to fast foward in his life to the most recent video. It said 2 seconds ago. Ok great! He post his videos often. 2 seconds. I’ve never researched a user on Youtube, maybe this is a good thing for me to see. 2 seconds.
I clicked on the most recent video and there he was, crying. (He was a cryer, so that didn’t get me.)
But then I saw the title. I relapsed. This guy had made it clean for months and months. I happen by his page and 2 seconds before, he posted about his relapse?
That was crazy, surreal, unbelievable. I’ve told my family about it. They don’t quite get the irony. I think it’s….well just crazy.
This guy had gained a small following, even had someone set up a Go Fund Me account for him. And relapsed.
I recognized the sick, shock, guilty hate myself look from my past.
Think I’ll go back to not watching Youtube videos to help with my recovery.

One thought on “Recovery With….Without YouTube

  1. Don’t watch those. Everyone is SOO different. I came off subs and I heard NIGHTMARES. I know methadone will suck but I am working on it. I have come down 60 mg already and been great. I know you and I can both do it.


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